Naruto series through my eyes
by Bardiel the 13th
Summary: I'm gonna redo the naruto series, with humor.
1. Why!

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

A/N:This is the official first chapter.

**Prolouge**

"Twelve years ago, the nine-tailed demon fox appeared and attacked the ninja village known in short as Konoha.No one could stop it's immense power.Only one man, the fourth hokage, managed to use a forbidden jutsu called Reaper death seal to seal the demon fox in a baby whose umbilical cord was just cut, even though he could've sealed it in himself and take the demon fox with him.But for some retarded unknown reason, he didn't which caused him his life, and the chance the demon fox could once again terrorize the village hidden in the leaves was brought back to life"

**Konoha, twelve years later**

Naruto!Get the fuck back here!, yelled the ninja that was chasing Naruto.

You'll never catch me slowpoke!, yelled Naruto who was way ahead of the ninja.

**Meanwhile at the hokage's office**

Lord Hokage!I'm afraid Naruto's at it again, said some nameless ninja.

I am aware of that, but he means us no harm, said the hokage with a happy grin.

Lord Hokage, how can you just let this go by?He's never done anything this drastic before.

He's just trying to ge-

Please don't give me that 'he's just trying to get attencion' shit.I know that already, but what he's done is unforgivable.

What did he do now?Put graffiti on the great hokage faces?, asked the hokage as he took a puff on his pipe.

I wish.He decided that it would be funny to smoke up the maternaty ward at the hospital!

Wow.That is unforgivable.(takes another puff)But he's a good kid, don't worry.

What the fuck are you talking about you old bastard!Is that crack you're smoking or what!

Why, yes it is.

**Back at the crime scene**

Ah ha!

Aaah!Don't scare me like that Iruka-sensei, said Naruto after Iruka found him.

Why did you smoke up the maternaty ward Naruto!You have to be desprate to do something like that!

What are you talking about?I didn't do anything.I was eating at Ichiraku's when you guys started chasing me.

Yeah right!Everything we get you for you say you didn't do it.

But I didn't do anything!Why do you guys always think it's me when something bad happens?

Well then who else could it be!

**At Sasuke's house**

Why doesn't anyone pay attencion to me!No matter what I do no one cares!Naruto always takes my spotlight!That's why I hate him!I hate everything!Everthing hates me!, yelled Sasuke as he cried, cut himself, and looked in a mirror saying he was a pretty girl and then passed out due to bloodloss.

**At the academy a few days later**

I hate you all.You all smell like stale cheese, said a substitute teacher because Iruka wasn't there.I hate stale cheese!I want to kill you all right now!But my mom says that if I kill anyone she gonna spank me.I'd rather kill you all and take the spanking!If anyone doesn't want to continue you can leave.(some guy stands up and leaves)Yes you better leave you loser!You're all a bunch losers!That's why...you all fail!Big time!

What!, said everyone as they stood up to argue because they were gonna take the test to graduate into genins.

You can't do that!, yelled Ino.

I can't believe I failed!, yelled Sakura.

I sucked cock to take this test!, yelled Shino.

All of you shut up!I told you I hate you all.Now get out of my sight you gay bastards!

**Outside**

What!

You failed?!

That man is an asshole!

You sucked cock to take the test?!But they give it to you for free!, a buch of parents yelled.

Hey Naruto.

Wha, oh.Hi Mizuki-sensei, said Naruto with a disapointed face.

Don't worry about that substitute teacher Naruto, he's an asshole.

I figured that out myself.

Do you want to graduate?

Yeah!

Good, let's talk, said Mizuki as he and Naruto disapeared.

**Later that night**

Iruka!Iruka!

-nothing-

WAKE THE FUCK UUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!, yelled Mizuki through Iruka's door.

God!Can't a guy masturbate in peace!, yelled Iruka from inside.

What the hell do you want Mizuki?, asked Iruka as he opened his door.

Naruto just stole the forbidden scroll!

What!Where is he!

We're all looking for him, come on let's go!

**In the forest**

Phew.After all that work, I only learned one jutsu, said Naruto.

Naruto!What the fuck is your problem!!, yelled Iruka when he found Naruto.

Hey Iruka-sensei!I learned a new jutsu!

I don't give a fuck!You're in big trouble!

Why!What did I do this time!

You know what you did!

No I don't!

You stole the forbidden scroll!

What the hell is the forbidden scroll?!

Don't act innocent Naruto!

**Elsewhere**

Whyyyyyyyyy?!Why won't anyone give me attencion?!, yelled Sasuke who had stolen the forbidden scroll but no one had followed him.Why do they always acknowledge Naruto whenever I do something?!That's it!I'm just gonna stop trying to get attencion and let people like me for who I am!, yelled Sasuke burning the scroll and going home.

**Back at the forest**

Naruto!Where's the scroll!, yelled Mizuki as he found Naruto.

What the fuck are you all talking about!I didn't steal any scroll!!

Then what the hell are you doing here if you weren't hiding the scroll from us!, yelled Iruka.

Mizuki-sensei was teaching me the shadow clone jutsu!He said that if I mastered it before tomorrow he would graduate me!, yelled Naruto defensively.

Mizuki?What i-OH SHIT!

Die demon fox!, yelled Mizuki as he threw his big ass shuriken.(yes that is new name for that huge shuriken he has)Big ass shuriken technique!

-stab-

"Iruka had blocked the attack with his back"

I-Iruka-sensei...why?, asked Naruto from under Iruka.

Shit if I know, said Iruka who started to cry.

-grumble-

You were hungry right Naruto.-sob-But I stole your food.

That was you Iruka-sensei?You asshole!

I'm so sorry Naruto.

Haha!Iruka, you a-BOOM!!!

Phew, I got him, said a random ninja who had shown up on the scene.

You-you blew him up with an exploding tag?, Iruka asked the ninja.

Yes I di-BOOM!!!

"Iruka blew up the random ninja and took his forehead protector and gave it to Naruto"

Here Naruto, you graduate, said Iruka.

Yeah!I'm a real ninja!Bitches!

A/N:Yes.


	2. I am KonohamaOH SHIT!

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

A/N:Just so you know the forehead protectors have the number 69 instead of the leaf.Just go ahead and guess why.

**Registration day**

Kid, what the fuck, said the picture guy.

Take the picture!, Naruto yelled at the stubborn man.

But you look like a prostitute with all that make-up.

Look buddy!If you don't take the picture, i'm gonna stick my make-up kit up your ass!, yelled Naruto as he picked up his twenty pound box of make-up.

-snap-

**Registration room**

Naruto, this doesn't even look like you, said the hokage.

No shit.

Then why did you take it this way?

I donno.

-creek-

"Naruto and the hokage became silent"

Aha!, yelled Konohamaru as he jumped from the doorway.

-smack-

Who the fuck is that?, asked Naruto.

Naruto!Watch your language!He is my granddaughter.

I'm your granSON, not granddaughter!

What do you want kid?, asked Naruto.

I want to kill my grandfather!

Why the hell do you want to do that!

Because a little blue ball said that if I kill my grandpa I would become hokage!

(Naruto runs up to Konohamaru and picks him up by the collar)

I'm gonna be hokage!And i'm gonna be the last hokage because Konoha will most likely fall because of my incompatent ruling!

Konohamaru!There you are!, yelled Ebisu after bursting into the registration room.Hey you!Put him down!

_That's right, put me down.Just because i'm the hokage's grandson_, thought Konohamaru.

Put him down dammit!

Yeah, put me down.Or are you so afraid you can't move because the(the hokage is passed out due to the crack he was smoking)hokage's my grandfather!

Bitch!I don't care if he's your grandmother!(I loved it when he said that in the english dub), yelled Naruto as he threw Konohamaru through the window, and threw like seven kunai at him.

OH MY GOD!Why did you throw the hokage's granddaughter through the window!, yelled Ebisu as he passed out.

Because he was an asshole!Plus you dicks keep calling him 'granddaughter' he's a BOY!

**Later outside**

Hey look, a little girl with seven kunai sticking out of her, said an old man.Maybe I should help her.

**At old man's home**

Well little girl, you're all fixed up, said the old man.

I'm a boy!Why does everyone call me a girl?!

Hey little boy.Want to learn how to transform into a naked woman?

Yeah!, yelled Konohamaru.

Alright.Uzumaki Naruto taught me this jutsu, said the old man.

Naruto?You mean the guy who always wears orange?!

Yes, you know him?

He threw me out a window and shot me with seven kunai!

Well i'm sure he had a good reason to.Now, let's get started.

**A few hours later at some...place?**

Ebisu-sensei!

Konohamaru!I was looking everywhere for you.

Ebisu-sensei, today I will beat you in a fight.

-poof-

"Konohamaru transformed into a naked chick and jumped on Ebisu"

Yes Konohamaru.Today you will beat me, off.

What?

You heard me!Hope your sexy jutsu hands can handle me!Muahahaha!

**Elsewhere**

Yes baby, beat him off.Yeah yeah, ugh!

-squirt-

I can believe I just did that.Oh well, no harm done, said the hokage as he undid the crystal ball jutsu.

A/N:Wow...This did not come out as planed.


	3. Regraduation exams

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

A/N:I think this chapter's gonna suck.

**Ninja academy**

As you all know.The substitute I left for you was a total asshole, said Iruka.

Yes, said the whole class, (everybody was in a line side by side)minus Naruto who was there but graduated and was really happy.

He also failed all of you for no particular reason.

Yeah!, roared the whole class.

Also, news has come to my attencion that Shino sucks cock to take exams that are free.

I don't want to talk about it, said Shino who from this day on would wear his collar over his mouth.

So, because I have to go and jack o-I mean read a book.All you have to do is show me that you know how to use the transformation jutsu.First up, Sakura.

Transform!, yelled Sakura.

-poof-

What the hell is that?, asked Iruka as he saw Sakura's transformation.

I'm you.Aren't I?, said Sakura as she looked in a mirror.AAAH!WHAT THE HELL AM I!!

You look like a fat version of Mizuki with an afro, a mustache, and huge breasts, said Iruka.You pass.Next, Sasuke.

Transform, said Sasuke.

-poof-

Alright this isn't funny!, yelled Iruka.

What, don't I look like the hokage?, said Sasuke looking in the mirror.What the hell did I transform into?

You look like the hokage who doesn't have arms and has balls for feet, basicly you look like a dick.You pass.Next, Hinata.

T-Transform, said Hinata.

-poof-

Okay you know what, fuck this.You all pass.As long as you guys stop transforming into wierd things.Especialy you Hinata.

W-why?What do I look like?, said Hinata who looked in the mirror and passed out with fear as soon as she saw what she transformed into.

Yay!I passed!, yelled every student.

All I have to do now is put you into teams and give you a new teacher, said Iruka.Alright, I will not give you numbers as your team name because I am a lazy bastard.So deal with it.First up, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, your new teacher will be the perveted cyclops known as Kakashi.Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, your new teacher will be the man with the blackest lungs in Konoha, Asuma.Kiba, cock sucker Shino, Hinata, your new teacher is going to be that bitch that looks like if she's wearing bacon as clothing, Kurenai.Lee, Neji, Tenten, even if you're not even supposed to be in my class your new teacher is going to be the pedophealic bastard known as Guy.Tomorrow you will meet your new teachers unless you have already done so.

But, Iruka-sensei.Our teacher Guy-sensei, has always been with us, said Lee.

I don't care.Now, I want all of you to go rest up for tomorrow.I'll be leaving now seeing as how I need release and all, said Iruka as he dissapeard.

A/N:This chapter sucks more dick than Shino did at the chuunin exams.


	4. Kakashi FINALLY arrives

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

**Ichiraku's ramen shop**

Old man!Get me the usual, said Naruto as he proudly straightend his fore-head protector.

Hey Naruto.Today we have a new type of ramen.

What is it?

Mexican flavor.Guaranteed to give you extreme diarea, infect your body with unknown viruses, and most likely kill you.

Awsome!Serve it up!

**En route to the academy**

Hey Konohamaru, what's up?, said Naruto as he met Konohamaru on the way.

OH MY GOD!DON'T KILL ME!, yelled Konohamaru, and then started to run away but was run over by a monkey in a tricycle.

Alright, bye.I didn't have time to play anyway.

**Elsewhere**

Yay I finally graduated!, exclaimed Sakura as she happily skipped to the academy.

-slam-

Aah!What the fuck!, yelled Ino who stood up and started kicking Sakura.

Aaah!Stop it!

Kiss my ass fore-head girl!You started it!, said Ino when she stoped.

Ino!I bet you that I can get to school faster!

Whatever Sakura.I'll just beat you.

Oh yeah?!

Yeah!

"Ino and Sakura both took off to school so fast that by the time you finish masturbating they would have already gotten there, masturbated and orgasm'd before you did.That's fast"

**At school**

Yeah Shikamaru, I passed before all of you bitches did!, exclaimed Naruto.

Wow Naruto.You actually passed before all of us.

Yep!

Hey, if you failed the graduation test like five times.Wouldn't that make you way older than us?You know, since we take that test once a year.

Uh...I really have no idea on how to answer that question.

(in other part of room)

_Naruto.I want to feel you in me, ALL of you in me.I want it right now.NOW!_, Hinata thought to herself as she blushed.

(Come on.Don't tell me there was no reason why she blushed every time she saw Naruto.She just had to be thinking perverted shit all the time)

-BOOM!-

I won!, yelled Sakura.

No!I won!, yelled Ino.

_Wow.Sakura's just so hot, isn't she_, thought Naruto to himself, and was delighted when Sakura looked his way and started approaching him.

Naruto, said Sakura.

Yes Sakura.

Will...you...move out of the fucking way?

Wha-what?!

I want to sit with Sasuke, so move.

Hey!I want to sit with Sasuke too!, yelled all the girls(except Hinata who had her hands in her jacket and was bleeding from her nose)in the room.

You son of a bitch!, yelled Naruto as he jumped on the desk and glared at Sasuke.

Fuck do you want, said Sasuke as he glared back.

-glaring and electricity-

Naruto!Leave him alone!, yelled all the girls.

-push-

Oh sor-(the random guy didn't have time to apologize as it was his fault that Naruto and Sasuke are now making out, literaly)

-kissing sound-

THAT'S SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!, yelled all the girls as they passed out due to nosebleeds, cause' they're into that gay stuff.

-FRENCH KISSING SOUND?!!!-

Wait?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?!, yelled Naruto and Sasuke at the same time as they jumped off each other and started throwing up.

**Elsewhere**

That was so hot-Ah!What is wrong with me?!, exclaimed the hokage as he undid the crystal ball jutsu, and then he took a huge puff of his crack and calmed down.

**Later, in school**

Alright.You might be wondering why you're all here instead of being in rooms by your selfs waiting for your teacher, said Iruka.

Yeah, responded the class.

Well, I have no time for this crap so i'm going to go home, and your teachers should show up soon enough to meet you.Bye, said Iruka as he dissapeared.

(teachers start coming in and taking their students)

Where the hell is Kakashi-sensei?It's been five minutes, said Naruto.

**Three hours later**

Where the fuck is he!, yelled Sakura.

**A week later**

For the love of god, please.Bring me tomatoes, said Sasuke who hadn't had anything to eat since a week ago.

-enter-

Sorry Iwas late guys.I was at a farm burning sick chicks in a chick pan.I mean, you know when they're sick because they turn all yellow and fuzzy and make a beeping sound.Especialy when they're burning in there, beep beep beep, explained Kakashi(I stole that phrase from Amazing Johnathan)as he came in.

That's not a good enough explanation!, said Sakura.

Let see here, said Kakashi completely ignoring Sakura.So your names are Sakura, Naruto, Sas'Uke-

Hey!My name is SASUKE!Not Sas'Uke!_Why does everyone tell me that_?, wondered Sasuke to himself.

Well i'm sorry mister faggety faginston, but the way I look at it, your name should just be Uke.Ha ha.

Take that back Kakashi-sensei!, said Sakura.He's not that way.

You-your hair is PINK!Oh my god!Tell me, does the carpet match the drapes?

-gasp-Kakashi-sensei!I haven't grown any yet, i'm not old enough, said Sakura with for some reason a disapointed look.

_What the fuck are they talking about_?, thought both Sasuke and Naruto.

Hey Kakashi-sensei!Aren't we supposed to go on missions now?, asked Naruto who was anxious to go.

I'm supposed to give you guys a test to see if you pass.

God dammit, what if we don't pass the test?, asked Sasuke.

You go back to the academy.

Shit!Not again!, yelled Naruto because if he failed he would have to go through the academy AGAIN.

Sasuke?

What do want Sakura.

LET ME GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB!

No.

What!Why?

Because you're annoying._And because I don't know what a blowjob is_, thought Sasuke as he walked out the door to buy some tomatoes.

Wow Sakura.You would do that at such a young age, just cause' you have a crush on a guy?You are a total slut.

-crying-

Wh-why doesn't he want me?Is it because I don't really know how to give blowjobs?-gasp-That's it!I have to get someone to teach me!

You are so fucking wierd, said Kakashi who started backing away from Sakura.

Kakashi-sensei!Teach how to give blowjobs!

WHAT!I'm not that type of person.

Oh I see.I need to beat you in a fight first!

I'm not gonna fight you, you crazy person!

Sensei!Treat me to semen if I win!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!, yelled Kakashi who was really freaked out at Sakura's sudden sluttiness.

_What the hell are they talking abou-I gotta go take shit_!!, thought Naruto to himself as he ran to the restroom screaming 'CURSE YOU MEXICAN STYLE FOOD!!!YOU GIVE PEOPLE DIAREA!!!' .

A/N:Well, I gotta go eat some mexican food cause' i'm hungry.


	5. Sex education

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

A/N:Do not kill me.

**Training grounds the next day**

Oh my fucking god where is he NOW?!, yelled Sakura as she and her team waited for Kakashi.

What the hell are you talking about?I've been here for the past hour, said Kakashi looking up from his book.

Kakashi-sensei?When did you get here?, asked Sakura.

What are you stupid?When I got here you told me to sit and wait for myself.

Anyway.Let's take the test already.

-jingle jingle-

You have to grab my b-Aaah!Get off!

"Sakura was currently grabbing Kakashi's balls...hard"

But Kakashi-sensei.You were gonna say that we had to grab your balls right, said Sakura.

No you bitch!I was gonna say that you had to grab my BELLS!, yelled Kakashi in a slightly squeaky voice cause'...you know...wouldn't you if someone was squishing your balls very hard?

**An ice pack later**

Alright.You will never get the bells if you don't come at me with the inte-

Shut up dammit!We've been waiting to take the test for a whole fucking day!, yelled Naruto.

Just for that i'm going to take this time to ask you about yourselfs, said Kakashi.

AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!, yelled Naruto.

Naruto, tell me why you want to be a ninja.

I want to become the hokage!

Why?

I donno.

Sasuke, why are you here?

Because I want to kill my brother.

Is your brother Itachi?

Yes!Where is he!

You came out JUST like him.

What?

Nothing.Sakura, tell me about yourself.

Fine.I'm only here because I want to fuck Sasuke in all the sex positions that are known to man, said Sakura like if what she said wasn't unnatural for her age.

You are a total slut.Did your parents abuse you as a child?

Uh?Kakashi-sensei?

Yeah?, he said turning around to face Sasuke and Naruto.

What's sex?, asked both of them at the same time.

Ah!HAHAHAHAHA!OH MY GOD THAT'S FUNNY!, laughed Kakashi and Sakura and all of the other Konoha ninja as they all apeared at the same time just to laugh at Sasuke and Naruto.

That was the funniest joke EVER!, said Kakashi.

No seriously.What's sex?, they asked again.

-silence'n' twitching-

What?, asked Naruto.

Y-you don't know what sex is?, asked Kakashi with a look of disbelief.

No, said Sasuke.

I think I need to lie down, said Sakura as she stumbled around and leaned against a tree.

Well boys.I can't explain it.So I guess I have to show you by having sex with one of these girls in front of you.

(all of the females there start to blush)

Why use one when you could use all of them?, asked Naruto.

(all females pass out)

Follow me, said Kakashi as he grabbed the nearest female(who happened to be my buddy Artemis 85)and casually walked to his apartment.

Wait!What about the test?!

Fuck the test you pass.

**Later at Kakashi's apartment**

Now sinse I don't want you to see my real body i'm going to transform into someone else to do this, said Kakashi.Transform!

-poof-

"Orochimaru's body stood there in all it's naked glory"

Wow!I didn't know Orochimaru was this big!, said Kakashi/Orochimaru excitedly.

Does the size matter?, they asked.

Duuuuuh.Every, and I mean **EVERY** girl likes big ones.

Huh?Where am I?, asked Artemis as she woke up.

I'm gonna teach these two what sex is, and you're going to be my partner for today.

Is it big enough?

See for yourself.

-excited squeal-

Alright!Let's do this!, yelled Artemis after looking at the three foot long, four inch thick man snake Kakashi/Orochimaru was packing.

**This content was blocked out due to highly extreme sexual activity that lasted for six days and because Artemis would either kill me or passout due to bloodloss sinse I made her and Kakashi/Orochimaru perform every heterosexual sex positions known to man**

-panting-

And that -pant- boys is what sex is, said Kakashi/Orochimaru.

That was great, said Artemis who was completely naked and covered in baby batter.(guess what that is)

(Naruto and Sasuke pass out due to blood loss, hunger and shock)

**Elsewhere**

Thank god I videotaped this, said the hokage as he started making copies of the video and sent one to Orochimaru to whom he still had connections with but he forgot everytime he wasn't high.

**Orochimaru's hideout**

What's this?, said Orochimaru when he saw the dvd that was delivered to him.

-click-

Woah!Someone's been using my body for porn!Wait!Who's that?It looks like an Uchiha boy.I think i'll see him in the future.Ha ha ha ha.I'll send a copy to the Uhiha's older brother, said Orochimaru after he saw the video.

A/N:OH MY GOD WHY!!!!Check Artemis 85's profile on my favorite author list.No I won't use her again in this fic unless she wants to be in it.Which I doubt.


	6. Land of waves part 1

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

**Hokage's office**

I am sure you know why I've called you here, said the hokage.

Are gonna get a mission?!

Yes, Naruto.It is a C ranked escort mission to the land of the waves.

Doesn't that seem a little to hard for them right now.Genins are supposed to do D ranked illegal immigrant work, said Kakashi.

I'd be happy with a D rank.

Nonsense Naruto.I'm pretty sure you want a higher rank than C.

No.D will be fin-

How about B?

No!Listen to me-

Then it's decided!Team 7 will go on an A ranked escort mission!

What the fuck old man?!Can't you hear what i'm fucking telling you!I DON'T WANT AN A B OR C RANKED MISSION FOR MY FIRST MISSION!!

You will be escorting Mr.Tazuna to the land of waves were he lives and should've been there from the start but magicly appeared here and now needs to be escorted to the bridge he needs to build all by himself.

DAMN YOU OLD MAN!!

Shut up kid.You wanted this mission, said Tazuna.

NO I DIDN'T!!!!!

Stop complaining Naruto and let's go, said Kakashi.

Oh.I almost forgot.Since this mission is extremely dangerous you'll have to take Sasuke and Sakura as worthless pawns.

**En route to...um?...Where ever they went**

Hey Kakashi-sensei?

Yeah Naruto.

Are those ninjas supposed to be following us?

No, I don't believe they should.

Are you gonna do anything about it?

Nah.Just ignore them until they attack.

Who are they?

I think they were called the demon brothers, but don't worry.There's a rumor that those guys can't swim.

**Hours later on the boat**

Kakashi-sensei.What do you think happened to those ninjas?

Sakura.There's a little something in life called swiming.Not everyone can do it.If you were paying attention you would remember that once they fell into the water they started drowning.

Yeah Sakura how could you mis that?It was really funny.The-

_I'm a barbie girl!In a barbie world!Made of plastic, it's fantastic!_

Hey, Tazuna.Why the fuck doesn't the rower shut up?He's been at it since we got on, asked Kakashi.

_You can brush my hair!Undress me everywhere!_

I don't know.We are supposed to keep it low around here.

_I'm a_-Aaaaaah!

-splash-

Finally.Thanks Sasuke.

No prob Naruto.My ears were starting to bleed.

**En route to Tazuna's house to mooch off him**

_I believe in a thing called love!Just listen to the rhythm of my heart!_

Oh my god!Shut up Kakashi!

_There's a chance we can make it now!We'll be rocking till the sun goes down!I believe in a thing called looooove!_

**Elsewhere**

Hoohoo.What's up guys, said Gato in a mickey mouse voice in which he'll remain until he dies.

What do you want Gato, said the most badass fucking king of all characters, Zabuza Momochi.

Fuck you're badass-I mean, your ninjas failed to kill Tazuna.

Wrong.

What do you mean 'wrong'.They're dead.

But they never attacked, meaning that they didn't fail.

Dammit he's right.Either way.You still have to kill him.

**Still en route**

I'm hu-

Get down!

-VROOOM-SLASH-

What the hell was that!, yelled Naruto cause he almost go hit.

Who's that guy?

I am Zabuza Momochi, and i've come here to kill the bridge builder.

Zabuza...hmn?Where have I heard that name before?Wait!Don't tell me you're-

That's right bitch.

A/N:Yeah!Finally a fucking chapter.Last time i'll ever buy my chapters from myself online.


	7. Land of waves part 2

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

A/N:I finally got the chance to update.

**Meanwhile at Zabuza's hideout**

**-DREAM SEQUENCE START-**

_Oh Zabuza!Harder!HARDER!_

_-thump-thump-_

_Oh Haku!You're so tight._

_That's cause' it's my first time- Ah!Oh!_

_Go deeper!I wan't it all in me!_

_I'm going as deep as I can!_

**3 Hours later**

_I'm-I'm gonna cum!_

_I want it all!Every drop!_

_Aaaah!-Ugh!_

_-splat!-_

**-DREAM SEQUENCE OVER-**

-snore-

Ah-wha..?It was...a dream?Fuck!And it was so real too.Oh well.I guess Zabuzas' the type of guy who's not a pedophile.(person who finds children sexually attractive)He's one out of like, three fucking people!I'm so unlucky.

-alarm clock ringing-

Oh well.I gotta go find Zabuza.Where's my mask?

**Back to Zabuza**

He he he.That's right bitch.My name is Zabuza Momochi.I'm 26 years old, 183cm tall, my weight is 72kg, blood type A, I like sharpening blades, beating up puppies, and stealing money from orphans.

Wow.Really regretting you reminded me.

Are we gonna fight, Kakashi of the sharingan.

_He has the sharingan?Da fuck?Uh, n-duur_, thought Sasuke.

What's the sharingan?

Well you see my little orange friend.The sharingan is the bloodline limit of the Uchiha clan.Your eyes become gruesomly blood shot and they literaly make you the biggest copycat a person can be, and that's about all there is to it, said Zabuza.

Ooh.Cool.

I guess I have no choice then.

(Kakashi pulls up his headband)

Oh my god!His fucking eye!!I'm-I'm gonna puke!!, yelled Sakura.

-puking sound-

I told you it was gruesomly blood shot.

Let's do this Zabuza.

Yeah let's be-

-stab-

UGH!!

_The comrarite's o-ho-hold, doing what I'm to-ho-hold, and everybody kno-hows this is getting out of hand_!

What the hell happened to Zabuza?And why does everybody in this goddamn land always sing!This is the land of MIST, not sound!, yelled Naruto.

_Everybody is dying for, a chance to be heard not ignored, and everybody kno-hows this is getting out of hand_!

Who are you?And why were you singing?

I am a hunter nin named Haku.I have come to get rid of Zabuza's body.

Did you have to stab him in the neck with those needles?

Anything to destroy the target.

Cool.That mean we can go now?

Yeah.

Awsome, see you later, said Naruto who was the one talking with Haku all this time.

Oh, guys.Before we keep going.I have to tell you something.

Yeah.

Using the sharingan for about five seconds makes me lose all my chakra and makes me passout for about a week.

We hate you Kakashi-sensei.

**Elsewhere**

It seems my 'stab him in the neck' treatment is workin-

What the hell was that for!

Sorry, but Kakashi was about to kill you.

We hadn't started fighting yet!

Oh.Then...thank god I stopped the fight?

No.I was about to use my ultamite technique that would have sent him into another dimension of pain and misery.

Shit.

I won't forgive you...for about a week.

Awsome.Cause' that's how long it'll take you to be able to move again.

You're lucky I can't move.

A/N:**I HAD NO INTERNET FOR WEEKS**!!


	8. Training time

**Disclaimer:I do not own NARUTO.**

**The only house that has food**

Ugh.How long was I out?

Not long sensei.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Tsunami, Tazuna's daughter.

Where the hell are my clothes?

Uh...not in my room wrapped around a 7 pound dildo so that it can absorb your scent.

Wha-

Hey Kakashi-sensei!

Are you feeling better?

Take it like a man and get up already.

Hi guys.Where am I?

We're at the old man's house, cause' you passed out, said Naruto.

So, Kakashi-sensei.We were wondering if you could tell us about that hunter nin person?, asked Sakura.

A hunter nin?Well a hunter nin completely gets rid of dead ninja bodies, and that's about it.

That's it?That's all the information you could give us?, said Sasuke.

Well SORRY I don't know everything and anything, asses.Anyway.I have a bad feeling that maybe we forgot something.But what could it be?Hmmn.That's it!!Zabuza is still alive!!

Well duh.We pretty much figured that out by ourselfs, said Sasuke.

What?

Yeah we saw him and Haku when we went out for dinner.He even payed the bill and took us back to his house for some sodas.Poor guy was on a weelchair, said Naruto.

YOU RETARDS SAW HIM AND DID NOTHING!!

Well?What can we possibly do?, asked Sakura.

That's true.Hmmn?Meet me outside in an hour.

**Outside an hour later**

Okay.I need to teach you guys proper chakra control, said Kakashi who was on crutches.

The hell is chakra?

WHAT?!What the hell were you learning in school Naruto?!

Sorry Sakura, but I was almost always being chased around for things I didn't do.

Sasuke!You know what it is right?!

Uh?...Um?...I also wasn't in school that much.

Am I the only one besides Kakashi-sensei who knows what chakra is?!

Well Sakura.I think you should teach them what it is, said Kakashi.

Alright!Listen, I'm going to explain it.Chakra is kind of like ki, but much gayer and wierd crazy crap happens.

Sakura you're fired.Anyway, even if you can use jutsu, without proper chakra control it might not work at all.

So, how do we control it?, they asked.

Tree climbing.

Tree climbing?What kind of training is that?, asked Sakura.

Without your hands.

What?The hell do you climb without your hands?, asked Naruto.

Just watch.

(walks up tree)

Wow!How did you do that!

By gathering chakra at the bottom of my feet.You can do this when you can control your chakra properly.

Wait a minute!How's climbing up a tree going to makes us stronger!, yelled Sakura.

I never said anything about making you stronger.Besides, this teaches you how to bring the proper amount to the proper area.Climbing a tree this way needs a small but exact amount of chakra.Some people say that the feet is the hardest place to gather chakra.You must also develop the stamina needed to control chakra properly.And a-Fuck it.You guys aren't even paying attention!Sakura's asleep!Sasuke's reading a book!Naruto, you're the only one listening right?!

Actually I was daydreaming about doing it with Sakura, but thanks for waking me up.

Aaaaah!!

(throws kunai at them)

Dammit I missed.Oh well.Take those kunai and mark how high you make up the tree, then use that mark as a goal you need to surpass.Alright, get some momentum and run up the tree!

This is nothing!I'll climb this tree before breakfast!

(runs at tree and falls off half way there)

Stupid Naruto.

(runs at tree and it stabs itself with a knife)

Okay.That sucked.If I use to much chakra it'll commit suicide, but if I use to little I won't even stick like Naruto over there.

Hey losers!Up here!, Sakura yelled down.

Well I guess that the only that doesn't suck balls (not literaly) is Sakura, said Kakashi.

What the hell!!, yelled Naruto.

You suck!, yelled Sasuke.

**Elsewhere**

Asuma.

Yeah Kurenai?

All guys want is sex.

Look, finish blowing me, and we'll talk about this later.

**Back with our friends**

You guys didn't have to do that, said Sakura.

I guess sticking those kunais up his ass wasn't such a good idea, said Naruto.

A/N:That sucked balls (literaly).


End file.
